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When doubt arises, which it does over and over again, it becomes a signal that it is time to let go, rebalance and find an unconditional allowing of life. [Richard Moss, MD]
I’ve heard it called by many names.
It feels like failure. Death. A void. A pit in my stomach. Being without love. Chopping off my legs. Endless despair. Emotionally drained. Tears streaming down my face. Darkness. Disaster. Uninspired. Truth. Insecurity.
When I have been in my darkest times, I felt as though my brain chemistry changed. I felt as though I had slipped on a pair of glasses with a skewed view of the world.
No matter where I turned my head, the lens was there, attached to my head, obscuring my vision. My eyes looking at my amazing life through these stupid, depressing lens and I couldn’t see possibility. I couldn’t see how amazing life was.
I couldn’t see how amazing I was.
Everywhere I looked, I felt a void. A darkness. Uninspired. Insecure. My career, my man, my family, my future, my home. Everything felt negative and hopeless.
I’ve been there.
Whatever you want to call it.
Even so, women often complement me on how grounded and self-assured I appear to them. How I seem to have my life all planned out. I get called names like “super-duper entrepreneur” and one friend is sure I’ll be on the cover of YogaJournal someday. (Can someone, anyone? hook me up with that? (0: )
In my letters to you, Andrea, I open up and talk about this stuff we aren’t supposed to talk about: shame, insecurity, emotions. And so you know I definitely do not always felt confident, grounded, self-assured 24/7.
I have been in the deepest despair. I have loathed myself. I have abandoned myself. I have cut myself. I have given my heart away. I have given my body away. I have self sabotaged. I have been my own worst enemy.
This is the reason why I am a yoga teacher.
This is the reason why I am a coach.
Because I’ve found my way back home. And when I get lost and insecure and fearful (it’s bound to happen again) I can find my way back home. A poem I wrote:
One day I decided to stop fighting.
I stopped trying to fix every broken thing.
I thought life was over. Entropy, you know.
Instead, in the post-war quiet, I found her.
She had been here all along.
My best friend.
This September I am teaching a 7-week class for 14 women to find their own way back home. Through this course, I share my techniques, tools, and inspiration for building unshakable self love, confidence, inner peace, transformation. The class is self-guided and comes with as much–or as little–support as individual students desire (email me never, email all the time, up to you). All class material is sent via email and recorded online.
Do you know a woman who is struggling with body image and self love? A woman who wants to take those skewed lens away from her eyes and see herself and her life with love, compassion, and possibility. If you do, and you feel called, please share this with her.
If you know someone who could benefit from more self-love and healthy self/body image, please share this message.
Before I started coaching with Beck, I had anxiety, depression and I felt judgmental toward myself and others. I didn’t feel worthy of the amazing life I had created for myself.
The first sessions were challenging, however it didn’t take long and I had more comfort looking at my feelings and thoughts and emotions. Beck listened to me and took the time to understand where I was coming from. She taught me practical yoga and meditation practices that I still use.
I coached with Beck for 6 months, and am in a better head space. I have greater confidence, peace of mind and I’m filled with love and joy.
What I love about a yoga class is that every person who enters the room has a reason to be there: tightness, tension, instability, low back pain, depression, anxiety, arthritis, scoliosis, anxiety, high blood pressure, you name it. And yet the focus is not on the dis-ease but on the solution and on creating the ease.
When it comes down to it, we want to feel good. Yes, we chose to put those dumb, skewed lens over our eyes. And we can choose to take them off and find our way back home. Connection. Intuition. Reflection. Inner wisdom. Instinct. Confidence. Security. Light. Passion. Joy. Creativity. Support. Giving. Curiosity. Eager. Bold. Determination. Inspiration.
It’s the most important message.
It’s the easiest thing.
It’s the most challenging task.
It’s on the back of my [new] business cards…
“Come home to yourself.”