What would you say to your best friend?

We all have the inner critic, the Inner Mean Girl. We all struggle with negative self-talk. My heart breaks a little when I hear my students believing their self-talk.

Once in a coaching session, a favorite client, Kelly, was talking about how isolated and alone she felt in the world. She also felt like a “big, fat cow” in her body, and she couldn’t stand the idea of being seen in public because she was ugly and unhappy.

I knew exactly how she felt, because I had been there before as well. What I noticed in my self is exactly what I noticed in her too: that my thoughts became actions. Kelly felt isolated, so she enabled even more isolation. Kelly felt big and fat, so she would “fall off the bandwagon” which enabled more of the same feelings in her body.

What would you tell your best friend or your girlfriend? You would deny any suggestion of being a big, fat anything. You would point out all the support she has. You would bring her attention to all the positive, all the good in her life.

You would do anything to make your friend feel better.

I pointed out to Kelly that she actually had a lot of support in life, she had just been talking about some of her social networks. Kelly perked up and was able to rattle off many ideas of how she could have even more social connections. She identified that one of her “mind ruts,” think about a wheel getting stuck in a rut, was thinking she was alone in life.

Your turn:

For the next 7 days, listen to your inner voice. Is is trying to keep you small and insignificant? Is it trying to medicate you with food and keep you hidden in your home? Or is the voice keeping you on the hamster wheel, trying harder, always racing around to achieve the next goal?